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Post by Dusty on Jan 31, 2020 0:31:27 GMT
I'll be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow mornin' and straight down to the Co-Op for a bar of coal tar soap and a scrubbin' brush before wendin' my way down to the banks of the Mersey. Mr Dusty has decreed that he will be in need of clean underpants for the big night when the entire population comes together to celebrate the moment when all the clocks in Little Britain will start goin' backwards.
Fcek knows why - he's not a fastidious man by nature and hasn't expressed an interest in his nether garments (nor mine for that matter) since the dead pope said mass in the Phoenix Park back in '79. Still, a change is as good as a rest, I suppose and in any case Father Megson has made it clear that it is my wifely duty to support him and to get the fcek down to the river and get them Augean stables cleaned out pronto. "Domine, non sum dignus", I spat back at the mangy aul busybody with a certain degree of venom, "but I'll give it a go, Father".
Afterwards I'll pop home and get them good and dry in the microwave before headin' down to the Griffin to bung the resident QM a tanner for a Big Bob Brexit Bong and maybe a bit of afters. God knows it's not much but it's the least a dutiful wife deserves after workin' her fingers to the bone in a fight to the death against decades of grime and debris and fossilised skid marks.
Will any of the rest of youse be joinin' in or will it be just me and Bob with maybe the odd shout of encouragement from Nige? And if you happen to bump into Bob before the big night, could you tell him not to go to any bother with a cap. I've got one already and I gave it a quick rinse when I was down by the river. So me and my cap are both good to go. It promises to be a memorable Brexit knees-up and a tanner well spent.
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Post by Wet-xiteer on Jan 31, 2020 8:40:57 GMT
Will Boris and Jakey Baby be along to join Nige in the festivities?
I feel we should wet their heads in order to thank them for their sterling efforts in this noble cause. Maybe a dunk or nine in the Mersey? Apparently if they don't float it means the good Lord has blessed their endeavours.
Surely Father Megson will be able to quote an appropriate passage or two from the Good Book to back me up here?
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And now the end is near
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Post by And now the end is near on Jan 31, 2020 14:25:13 GMT
Oh I'll be glued to it all day. I always am. Sniffing the air (through my face mask of course), testing the truth of all the rumours and waiting for Harry Redknapp to wind his window down so Rosie can jump out and spill her beans all over Richard Keys' patent brothel creepers. Or will it be Neil Warnock? Always got something punchy to say on these occasions has our Neil. Usually it's "f*** the lot of you" and traditions must be observed on days like this.
Yep I'll be there right up until 11.00 pm, Mean Spirited British Time, well stocked up on a blend of wines from European countries and that really good Croatian baccy while it's still available. And I'll raise my glasses and squint at the screen as the glorious moment arrives and the window SLAMS SHUT. We'll be completely cut off for at least the next five months. There'll no longer be any prospect of Valencia's fifth choice striker, Julio Geordio, pitching up at Newcastle International, declaring that his dream has always been to set the Sports Direct Arena on fire and confessing that, as a boy, he used to get himself off to sleep by staring at the life size picture of Steve Bruce on his bedroom wall.
As for international man of mystery and Philip Treacy supermodel El Presidente Ganley, frankly I don't think his bong should be any of your business. He left Heaton Mersey hurriedly on January 22nd under a cloud of recrimination and a very fetching Panamanian Panama hat. We don't expect to see him again until mid March, if ever, so you'd be best off keeping your tanner to yourself along with anything else in your pocket. I've been tracking his movements of course along with thousands of others criss crossing our great continent as the tensionometer reaches for breaking point and here's the thing; Bob and Jorge Mendes have never been on the same flight! NEVER. In all their years of secretive dealings and last minute offers that even Daniel Levy couldn't refuse. That must signify something. And señor Mendes has never been photographed wearing a cap, coil or any other anti Catholic device of Satanic origin.
That's it from me for now, I've just spotted that Bargain Booze have got an end of bin, abandon all hope offer on Lutomer Laski Riesling, two crates for the price of dysentery and I'd better get down there quick. There's nine hours to go and I've got to keep my strength up and my attention focused by any means possible.
I'll be back on here as soon as anything happens so Withquizzers can breathe easy that they won't miss any moment of the historic day. Also I've just seen Pied Piper Ivor charge down the street screaming "RUN FOR THE HILLS, SAVE YOURSELVES NOW" in his accustomed calm and professional manner so maybe burying yourself under the duvet and cracking open a few more bottles until it's all over might be a good way of getting through it all.
Remember all things must pass, even Mark Francois. Though not Mo Salah obviously.
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